Unexpected Findings

 

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As you grow you vision your life and plan the path you want to go down. However the thing is, our life is not ours to plan. There are always unexpected twist, turns dead ends and detours that create who we are and what we will become. Looking back on life, I can recall each twist and turn to the path that I tried to create and although some of those unexpected twist and turns were some of my darkest periods of life I can see that they were part of a more magnificent plan that god created for me and through the darkness there was light. I can only hope and pray that this unexpected twist has the same result. Turning it all over to gods plan and realizing I am not in control.

For years I have not been feeling well. Each and every time I have had enough I went in and was diagnosed with a severe sinus infection. I’ve had about 6 in the last year and half now. However lately the pressure just isn’t going away. I’ve been in pain daily and wake up in the middle of the night from it. I finally asked for a ear, nose and throat (ENT) doctor referral. I went into that appointment confident that they would see chronic sinus inflammation and would be treated as such.

Following the initial visit I went into the routine CT scan.  As I laid on the table I was excited to finally get some answers and progress forward, unaware of the life changing unexpected findings that would come to surface in the days to come. Three days after the CT scan my ENT doctor called me and asked if I had a moment to talk. Due to my past, I should have known that this wasn’t going to be a good phone call. He wasted no time and cut right to the case.

“I got the results from your CT scan back. I will go over the sinus results during our follow up but I am calling to tell you there are some unexpected findings. The CT scan indicates you have a Meningioma Brain Tumor.” 

I quickly exited the room to the continue the conversation away from my son. Words can not describe the immediate numbness that fills your body, blacking out so you can’t really be present in the conversation but you still hear every detail of the explanation.  Yes, I heard it right…… A brain tumor……. I don’t have the capacity to understand the why. Why does my body always fail me all I can do is put my faith in god and walk this path with him.

As the doctor went on he insured me not to think of the worst because he had good news. The good news is (if there is good news to having a brain tumor) that it has been caught early and is pretty small measuring a just under a centimeter and it is in a good location if it does need to be removed. I couldn’t decipher if his upbeat tone and positivity was genuine or if it was to ease my concern.  During our follow up appointment he went more in depth in all the positive aspects of the unexpected findings, leaving a lot of hope but still a lot of unknowns.

Next I will be going into get an MRI done and then following up with a neurosurgeon. The wait and the unknown is the hardest for me. Please help me pray that there is light within this dark twisted path, that I am lifted in spirit and showered with strength. Pray that I can be calm and content in the path he created, knowing I am not alone as he walks it with me.

“The LORD is my strength and my shield in HIM my heart Trust” -Psalm 28:7

 

I Told You So

Although I have not totally caught everyone up on how we received our match with S, there are so many things that have happened that I would love to share not only so people can have a better understanding of the adoption process but also so you can see the remarkable work of Gods plan in all our lives. (Many people have asked why we call him S and not just say his name. By law we are not able to post pictures or say names on a public platform if a child is a ward of the state so I will be calling him S on online platforms).

Every month S’s case worker has to come out for a home visit. During these home visits they have to talk to the child alone and they have to see the child’s room. We also talk about challenges or improvements that were made. In addition to the monthly home visits there is is one unannounced home visit per quarter.  This week we had our first unannounced home visit. I must say the visit wasn’t completely a surprise. A few days prior I had seen S’s support staff at his school. After the meeting his social worker said this month was supposed to be an unannounced visit and she wanted to know my schedule while I was recovering from surgery. The morning she came I told Brandon I had a feeling she was coming that day so in the middle of trying to get some rest I would try to make sure certain things they check were ok. (the chemicals, medications, bedding etc.)

She came that afternoon just as S and I went out in the back yard so he could play. For me, it felt like perfect timing so I could have an extra set of eyes and hands since I wasn’t getting around very well still! lol The visit went great. We talked for a long time about all the great progress we have seen in S over the last few weeks and even days. As S played I tried to get him to open up to her and talk to her more. Since he has been with us he has been very standoffish toward her, even telling her “oh you can leave my house now”. He has had high anxiety when she is around because he fears she will take him from us.

I encouraged him to tell her all the amazingly fun changes and things he has been so excited about lately. As he still disregarded much of the interaction I was trying to get him to have with her, there was one thing he shared loud and proud! I said “Can you tell her that you are going to vacation bible school this summer?” As he jumped with excitement he quickly responded with a huge smile on his face, “Yeah! I’m going to vacation bible school this summer! At MY church, Crossroads!” She responded “Yes, I am so glad you go to crossroads now and that is your church.” He stated very matter of fact, “YES it is! I told you so! I told you crossroads was MY church!”As she laughed at him I looked at them with a very puzzled look.

She filled me in on their little inside joke. For the past two years that S has been on her case load he has always claimed Crossroads was his church. Almost two years ago he pointed to that old warehouse building and asked what it was. His social worker told him is was a church. Since then every single time they drove pass Crossroads he would tell his social worker “that is my church! It’s so cool!” Knowing he had never gone to that church she would often correct him and remind him of the church he did go to. Yet consistently time after she corrected him time he insisted that was his church.

As she told me I got chills. Some may say it’s a coincidence but I believe a bigger power had something to do with this. Crossroads doesn’t look like a traditional church, it’s old warehouse that has been remodeled on the inside. We live no where near this church. We actually drive 25 minutes and pass about 50 churches to get there, two within walking distance from our home.

It amazes me that at 4 years old this little boy felt such a strong connection to this church that he had never stepped foot in. After she told me the history behind his “I told you so” comment, I thought back to his first weekend with us and things made a little more sense.

Having just been with us for a day and half we got in the car to head to church. Church, the Bible and his love for Jesus has been the one constant in his life for the past few years. As we pulled up S got excited and stated, “We are here! This is MY church!” At the time I figured he was trying to make sense of everything that has been going on in his life in the recent weeks and trying to find stability in the one constant he has had and that was his love for Jesus.

The more time goes on and situations, stories and feelings come to surface, the more I realize gods amazing work that was done in this journey. As we had and continue to have faith that he works out our plan just as he envisioned, the faith others have in him is also working in their lives….including the faith our little 4 year old S has had for 2 years that he would find a place in HIS church, Crossroads.

Rejoicing Hope

The last week has been anything but easy. As visions and worries of what it truly meant to see a doctor that specializes in ovarian cancer set in, it became harder to not analyze every possible scenario the internet had to offer. Although the google certified doctor in me came to surface and worst case situations were recognized as possibilities, I kept my hope high.

Although the anxiety and worry had built up over the week I oddly felt very calm eternally as the specialist walked into the room. Almost immediately after he walked into the room we heard the words that we were all hoping to hear, “I highly doubt you have cancer.” I think the whole room and situation felt a lot lighter after those six words were stated.

Although everything he said is all educated theories until we actually go into surgery, we rejoice in the beam of hope that has been given.  He strongly believes that the mass within the cyst is either benign or a cyst growing within a cyst. Once he goes in, IF he feels he needs to send anything off to get tested further it will happen within the time of surgery.

As we continued to talk and I asked questions there were a few pieces of news that I was hoping to hear a different answer to. Considering the fact that I have had multiple laparoscopy surgeries before I was hoping that he would be able to do it the same way, with the pelvic area as my second choice. However due to the size of the cyst and the location neither are the best option. He will be making a vertical incision down by abdomen (hopefully only about 4 inches) with multiple draining sites below.

As we talked about how the ovary may or may not be able to be saved I asked if there was a possibility to save eggs from the ovary before he took it out and he said no. Due to the size of the cyst if the ovary needs to be taken out, it would be because the cyst has caused too much damage. However he is very hopeful that it will not get to that point.

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday and I will be staying in the hospital for 2-3 days. Recover is projected to be 3-4 weeks if all goes well but is mostly based on how I feel. As we move into the next week of preparing for surgery, I know there are still a lot of unknown answers and but I choose to rejoice in the hope that he has in the situation. I choose to rejoice in the hope for the future. I choose to rest my soul in God and rejoice that hope comes from him.